I based the book on my life experience, but I tried to minimize how much I talked about myself. The idea was to provide enough background to give some weight to my words without making it all about me. I wanted to bless you, and to glorify the Lord who gives it all meaning. This blog is an extension of that purpose, so I have second thoughts when I consider including more snapshots from my own life to bolster the content. It is my hope that when I choose to do so, it will provide you with some insight or encouragement to help you in your journey.

That brings me to today’s installment. I wrote last week of the unreasonable fear I felt about going to see the eye doctor. There is reason for concern, but I knew going in that I was not likely to learn anything from that first visit. And so it was.

I’ve been having episodes of fuzzy (more so than is normal for me) vision that vary in severity and length of time. I knew that the doctor was not likely to be able to diagnose anything from looking at my eyes and would probably schedule an MRI. I put off doing anything, fearing the cost of the scan based on the nature of my healthcare coverage. I remain unemployed as of this writing. That turned out to be another groundless fear that could likely have been allayed with a little research. The result of the visit was as I expected, and I had the MRI today.

Whatever was learned today will not be shared with me until my appointment with the doctor on Thursday, so there was no reason for anxiety. I felt none directly related to the event, but I will not deny having some trepidation concerning the results. What is going on? What does it mean? Will I lose the vision I have? Is something worse happening? What if I’m no longer able to care for Linda?

I already have many of the skills employed by those who are completely blind, but it would still require some adaptation. The unpredictability is disconcerting. I would get used to the change if it were constant, but having it come and go is disorienting. I used to love to go out for walks. I haven’t been in a while because having it happen when I’m out navigating the streets is a little frightening. I hate to admit that. I’ve always been the one telling folks to get out and live life. There is risk in everything. Maybe this serves to humble me. Sometimes the line between healthy confidence and dangerous pride can get blurred. I must remember that everything I have is given to me by God, and His is the glory.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I am reminded of the words of Jesus, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) He said this after exhorting His hearers to seek God’s kingdom first and the righteousness of God. All the things we need will be given to us if we do that. The only trouble is, we usually have different ideas about what we need than He does.

This is the point at which we must choose to trust Him. I know that I belong to Him. I know that He will work all things together for my good. It does me no good to fret over what may be. In fact, it does me harm. I can and should plan for the future, but always with the knowledge that the future belongs to God. I can’t be focused on His kingdom and his righteousness if I’m focused on my fears.